Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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