I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
