I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My cat gives me a boner
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
