My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Randomize
