Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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