My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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