We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
