there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
