I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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