11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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