I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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