Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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