anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
