Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
