The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
