She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
