i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
