My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
