So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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