Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize