I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
They took my balls.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
