I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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