I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
