I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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