I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
