Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
