he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
