I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
