You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
