I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
