This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
