Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
