now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
