***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
