Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
