I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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