mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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