dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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