I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
