I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
