so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
