She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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