I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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