Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
