I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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