Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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