watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
