The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize