I cannot find my penis.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
