tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
