anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
