Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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