i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
