how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
