the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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