$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
