There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
