I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize