I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
