girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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