the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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