I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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