My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Of course I have a pirate flag
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
