matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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