I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
