dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
