At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
