So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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