She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
