we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
