How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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