i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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