I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
