So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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