We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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