Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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