Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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