All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Moan for me like Helen Keller
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
