Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Enjoy the penises
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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