Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
