God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
