so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize