Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
