my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
