We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
