she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
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