Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
