I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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