I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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