so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
