I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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