Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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