i just wanna soil my oats bro
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I am one with the molecules
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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