roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
