Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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