you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
