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We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
