I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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