u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
