the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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