the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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