we have pet lesbian snakes
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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