I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
