I hate your face
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize