Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
