No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
