it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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