She is in my trunk
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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