By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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